It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The beers last night were like the tears from god
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize