his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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