So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
