i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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