You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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