I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
