Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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