she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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