I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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