I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
