imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
