yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize