I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to fling myself into the sun
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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