my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
