fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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