It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
