Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
