AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
