elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
