I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
