WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize