I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
