O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
