Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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