She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Everyone says I win the strip club
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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