Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I did not marry a roomba.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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