bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
