Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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