I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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