It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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