Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
