Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
