Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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