I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
