Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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