I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
