I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize