home. puking in laundry basket.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
