Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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