I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ttyl tear gas
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
