turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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