I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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