sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize