Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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