So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
