1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
