I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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