Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
