I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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