So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize