Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize