I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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