I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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