You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
