he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
