census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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