I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
