yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
