now i know why i became what i already was.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize