on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
try to milk me bitch
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