You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
