im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
