he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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