I just made out with a guy for $7.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
