i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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