If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize