what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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