and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
