Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
