So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
