I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
