did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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