she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
God, I missed his penis.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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