so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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