My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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