$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
