In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
