I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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