I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
