I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
